I cant believe how many people are just rude and inconsiderate. Like seriously I am just done with talking to people. They will go like months talking to you and then they go like 2 months with out saying a thing, I'm done with the roller coaster rides. If you want me in your like make me a freaking priority. I am also done with people going behind others backs, like they are all nice to them, but then they get in a closed room with someone else and they think that that information is just going to stay there. Like HELL it is. Its so stupid, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
I don't want to talk to people for a while.........................................................................
Friday, August 24, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Wow it has been a long TIME!!!
I cant believe it, I haven't seen Mr. Jeff King since Christmas Break and I haven't talked to him since his birthday in March. I A- feel like a bad friend and B- feel like a lot of things have happened since then and I don't know what it will be like to see him. If he shows up to my ward today it will be the first time I will have seen him since I officially decided that I can't go down the road of thinking every time he comes home to visit we can just be happy and maybe go out. It just can't happen and I know that... but there is still that feeling when he post on Facebook that he is HOME that I can't hide. I instantly fall back into that deep whole of love and I can't find my way out.
I honestly know that a long distance relationship could never work for me and I know that he is seeing girls back in D.C. So I don't know why I still have these feeling but I do. It is so hard but, it is like every time he comes back in town that nothing happened in the past and he still lives 4 streets over. But it isn't the same given my previous comment of that we haven't spoke since his birthday. Obviously things have changed and I just don't want to face it.
I think he will be one of those guys in my life that every time I see or talk to him i will always have these feelings of love and maybe they aren't even feelings of love but, knowing that he is always there for me and we use to always talk and see each other and now not so much.
He is the guy that when you haven't seen them in a very long time that when you see him for the first time all you want to do, no matter where you are, you both scream each others name, start running towards each other and hug for what seems like eternity. I think that may happen today even though we will be in church when we see each other.
I guess what I am trying to say in all of this that Jeff Jeff is so important to me and I MISS HIM!!!
I honestly know that a long distance relationship could never work for me and I know that he is seeing girls back in D.C. So I don't know why I still have these feeling but I do. It is so hard but, it is like every time he comes back in town that nothing happened in the past and he still lives 4 streets over. But it isn't the same given my previous comment of that we haven't spoke since his birthday. Obviously things have changed and I just don't want to face it.
I think he will be one of those guys in my life that every time I see or talk to him i will always have these feelings of love and maybe they aren't even feelings of love but, knowing that he is always there for me and we use to always talk and see each other and now not so much.
He is the guy that when you haven't seen them in a very long time that when you see him for the first time all you want to do, no matter where you are, you both scream each others name, start running towards each other and hug for what seems like eternity. I think that may happen today even though we will be in church when we see each other.
I guess what I am trying to say in all of this that Jeff Jeff is so important to me and I MISS HIM!!!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Today is a bad day...
So basically I dont know what has made these feelings come up. All I really want to do is cry and eat. I am so close to coming in 2nd place in the opohotbo comp but it ends on Friday and I just want to eat everything unhealthy in sight.
I think one thing that has brought this up is one of my best friends wont talk to me and I dont know why. She wont return my calls or text. This isnt like her to go this long with out talking to me. She is the one person in my life right now that understands fully what is and has gone on in my life. She is the person that I trusted through out everything and now she is gone. I dont know if she is bad at me or if she is simply busy. But who is that busy that they cant call you back?
I really just need to talk to her and have some fun. She doesnt even know that I got a new puppy and how happy I have been.
-D
I think one thing that has brought this up is one of my best friends wont talk to me and I dont know why. She wont return my calls or text. This isnt like her to go this long with out talking to me. She is the one person in my life right now that understands fully what is and has gone on in my life. She is the person that I trusted through out everything and now she is gone. I dont know if she is bad at me or if she is simply busy. But who is that busy that they cant call you back?
I really just need to talk to her and have some fun. She doesnt even know that I got a new puppy and how happy I have been.
-D
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Free
Wow what a huge change. I finally feel free. I am comfirtable with myself and I can do what I want. It is crazy how my telling someone how you really feel keeps you from trippin. I cant believe that I was so honest not only with Daniel but with myself. I havent been that honest for a long time. I love this feeling. It is a new found love that I havent ever really felt before. But can I just say how much I enjoy this. I have just broken up with this guy that I thought was going to be the one and I feel like I could just skip and sing all day long because I am so happy. I cant even explain how much this means to me.
So this is the down low on what happened:
Daniel and I havent talked in almost 3 weeks and so I just took it that we were officially over, well after a week of not knowing I needed answers. So I asked him if he would be honest with me because I had to be honest with him. Hew said that he would and so I had to do ithe hardest thing I have ever had to do. I asked him what the hell was going on?
He replied with that he was busy and had other stuff on his mind. I called a bullshit and re asked the question and when I did I added more details. I told him that I like stending time and talking to him.l I also added in there that I LIKE HIM. what the hell was I thinking, I dont know, but it was worth it. So of course he doesnt like me, but that is fine and we worked things out. Well as much as they can with a guy who shattered your heart in a million pieces.
He said after all of this that he wants to still hang out and that he enjoys the times that we do hang out and he wants it to happen more often. I dont know how that is going to happen, because, I cant be another OLIVIA for him. I have invested too much effort into this and it was all a game. I hope that one day we will be able to talk to each other and hang out but for now I am just glad that I dont want to KILL him.
Hopefully we can be friends and communicate. This was a big step in our communication skills with each other. I love that I am able to communicate with him and myself more openly now and that I am comfortable doing it. I love what I have become.
So this is the down low on what happened:
Daniel and I havent talked in almost 3 weeks and so I just took it that we were officially over, well after a week of not knowing I needed answers. So I asked him if he would be honest with me because I had to be honest with him. Hew said that he would and so I had to do ithe hardest thing I have ever had to do. I asked him what the hell was going on?
He replied with that he was busy and had other stuff on his mind. I called a bullshit and re asked the question and when I did I added more details. I told him that I like stending time and talking to him.l I also added in there that I LIKE HIM. what the hell was I thinking, I dont know, but it was worth it. So of course he doesnt like me, but that is fine and we worked things out. Well as much as they can with a guy who shattered your heart in a million pieces.
He said after all of this that he wants to still hang out and that he enjoys the times that we do hang out and he wants it to happen more often. I dont know how that is going to happen, because, I cant be another OLIVIA for him. I have invested too much effort into this and it was all a game. I hope that one day we will be able to talk to each other and hang out but for now I am just glad that I dont want to KILL him.
Hopefully we can be friends and communicate. This was a big step in our communication skills with each other. I love that I am able to communicate with him and myself more openly now and that I am comfortable doing it. I love what I have become.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Excuse my french....
WHAT THE HELL.....
What the hell is going on in my life right now? I dont know what is going on with this boy and it is totally getting to me. And I am starting to take it personal. how do 2 people go from talking almost everyday to nothing at all? Umm Daniel did you forget that I gave you a Valentine's Day card? Did you forget that it was my birthday? Did you forget that it was Valentine's Day? It probably doesnt help that these all fell on the same day but, hello. I dont really give a SHIT if we are JUST Damn F word (FRIENDS). But even if that is just what we are, you could have at least told me happy birthday and thanks for the card. And its not like we werent texting that special day either. How damn hard is it to say those 7 SMALL WORDS?
While talking with the girls they brought up a valid point. They think he is just scared and nervous. In the year that I have known him he hasnt had a serious girlfriend and I dont think he has ever had a SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND. So I am sure that this new experience is hard and he doesnt know what to do. I also know that we both want to take this thing slow and we have discussed this together but, if he takes any longer he is going to loose me.
That is so hard to say but, that is becoming the truth. I guess I just need to talk to him and see where things are going. that is so nerve racking for me though. My life hasnt been the simplist life with men and i hate expressing how I feel. I dont think I have ever told this story before but, almost 4 years ago I found out somethings about my family that I wish had never happened. It has caused me to go through a major depression and I have to battle it everyday. Daniel is the first guy/ crush? that I have even been considering tell everything that has happened in my life. He makes me feel that comfortable. I just really want this thing to work between the 2 of us. I havent ever wanted something so bad before in my whole life.
Couldnt you just see it Danika & Daniel / Danny & Dani / Danny^2 {Danny Squared} / The Kennett's AAHHHH.... So cute.
There is a song that perfectly says what I want to tell him. Dont you love how there is always a song for every boy I have like. HAHA. So it is call "Say you lilke me" by We The Kings. I love it. It is perfect and I wish I could just tell him this:
He's the guy that no one ever knows. And I say hi, but he's too shy to say hello. He's just waiting for that one to take his hand and shake him up. I bet I could. I wish my heart was always on his mind. 'Cause he's on mine like all day, all the time. Forget me not, forget me now. I’ve come too far to turn around. I’m here tonight.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
He's the guy that no one ever knows. Works a double just to buy his clothes. Nicotine and faded dreams, Baby, just believe There's no one else like me.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
It's time to fall into my arms. 'Cause I've been waiting for too long. You're an angel, Grab your halo, And lets fly tonight.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
Just say you like me.
Yep yep thats it. Here goes nothing.
What the hell is going on in my life right now? I dont know what is going on with this boy and it is totally getting to me. And I am starting to take it personal. how do 2 people go from talking almost everyday to nothing at all? Umm Daniel did you forget that I gave you a Valentine's Day card? Did you forget that it was my birthday? Did you forget that it was Valentine's Day? It probably doesnt help that these all fell on the same day but, hello. I dont really give a SHIT if we are JUST Damn F word (FRIENDS). But even if that is just what we are, you could have at least told me happy birthday and thanks for the card. And its not like we werent texting that special day either. How damn hard is it to say those 7 SMALL WORDS?
While talking with the girls they brought up a valid point. They think he is just scared and nervous. In the year that I have known him he hasnt had a serious girlfriend and I dont think he has ever had a SERIOUS GIRLFRIEND. So I am sure that this new experience is hard and he doesnt know what to do. I also know that we both want to take this thing slow and we have discussed this together but, if he takes any longer he is going to loose me.
That is so hard to say but, that is becoming the truth. I guess I just need to talk to him and see where things are going. that is so nerve racking for me though. My life hasnt been the simplist life with men and i hate expressing how I feel. I dont think I have ever told this story before but, almost 4 years ago I found out somethings about my family that I wish had never happened. It has caused me to go through a major depression and I have to battle it everyday. Daniel is the first guy/ crush? that I have even been considering tell everything that has happened in my life. He makes me feel that comfortable. I just really want this thing to work between the 2 of us. I havent ever wanted something so bad before in my whole life.
Couldnt you just see it Danika & Daniel / Danny & Dani / Danny^2 {Danny Squared} / The Kennett's AAHHHH.... So cute.
There is a song that perfectly says what I want to tell him. Dont you love how there is always a song for every boy I have like. HAHA. So it is call "Say you lilke me" by We The Kings. I love it. It is perfect and I wish I could just tell him this:
He's the guy that no one ever knows. And I say hi, but he's too shy to say hello. He's just waiting for that one to take his hand and shake him up. I bet I could. I wish my heart was always on his mind. 'Cause he's on mine like all day, all the time. Forget me not, forget me now. I’ve come too far to turn around. I’m here tonight.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
He's the guy that no one ever knows. Works a double just to buy his clothes. Nicotine and faded dreams, Baby, just believe There's no one else like me.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
It's time to fall into my arms. 'Cause I've been waiting for too long. You're an angel, Grab your halo, And lets fly tonight.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
'Cause I'm never going down,I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me. I'm never going down, I'm never giving up. I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me.
Just say you like me.
Yep yep thats it. Here goes nothing.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Im So Confused...
I dont know what to call this thing that happened Friday night. Is it a date? Is it ust 2 friends hanging out? I really dont know. Everyone else thinks that it was a date, but I am ust not sure. And the most frustrating thing it I cannot even talk to my mom about this because she has already put in her 2 cents and guess what? They are not supportive and she told me that I should not go out with him again. For the pure fact that he did not come to the door to get me. Well no shit when you can see right into our house and he can see my parents standing there. He was nervous. I was way nervous, and I am fine with him not coming to the door. Now when we are officially dating he will be coming to get me at the door and opening doors for me because we can communicate with out it being weird. So yeah needless to say my mother will not know until that day that I have another date with him, When it happens. Then I really want to do something for him for V Day but I dont know what?
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